From the mind of Tom Beland

Creator of True Story Swear to God

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


So there's this financial Ragnarok heading our way... and it's crucial to get a plan agreed to as soon as humanly possible or else every nickel we own will turn to dust by Saturday and....


and... they're OFF today..?

Listen, I'm all for religion. I'm all for how important it is and all. But I'm hearing from every person that the world is going to end Saturday and... well... I can't help but go WTF??? And yeah, yeah, I know that it's a sacred day... but it doesn't change my mind. There is a huge BORG ship heading towards Earth and we are truly fucked if we don't act now.

And they took today off.

I used to work for Holiday Inn. When I worked for Holiday Inn, you were told right away that you would be working on Christmas and Easter. No questions asked. People need to have someone at the front desk. So when something like Christmas came around, I'd have to tell my family that I'll have to be working and that I'd catch up with them.

Holiday Inn, people.

Are you telling me that someone like me can be expected to work at Holiday Inn on a religious holiday... one I used to observe... because Steve-O in room 323 may want to get some change for the snack machine... I can be expected to work that day because Steve is important. And when the senators, with the fate of the Nation's economy at stake... THAT job... they get to take holidays off..?

How many fucking Jewish senators DO we have???

Shouldn't the leaders of our country take a moment and call their families that something huge came up, in the form of Galactus with a stolen ATM card. I'd hope that they'd tell them that, even though it's a religious holiday... we have to get this work done. Tell everyone I'm sorry, but they'll understand.

And instead, we lost a day and they have no idea how to solve it. They all waved fists of anger, telling the cameras how insulting it was to hear who did what and that professionalism and sanity have left the stage. Lots of fist-waving. Lots of freaked-out senators worried about them not knowing how to fix it and how huge the situation could get. Everyone is shitting buckshot-style and heads are tweaking out on the television and the bald finance dude was ON HIS FUCKING KNEES, begging the senate to get this done.

And instead, they shut their briefcases and left for home..? Really?


And here we are laughing at Palin.

1 comment:

T Emmons said...

Yep. They should think of their terms more seriously. They certainly have a huge responsibility, both in getting us in this mess, and for getting us out of this mess.

(Jim Cramer on MSNBC?)