From the mind of Tom Beland

Creator of True Story Swear to God

Friday, August 15, 2008

Okay, update time...

The back, to my shock, has gotten better. The lower back is still tight, but the upper part and my neck seem to be back to normal. I'm at least able to move around now and not confined to the sofa. As much as I love television, I could only watch so many episodes of THROWDOWN WITH BOBBY FLAY and PARDON THE INTERRUPTION before going insane.

Which brings me to this freakin' hand problem. We went to our neurologist the other day and he told me, "I want you to try this."

"This" is called Primidone. It's a harmless looking pill, don't it look cute..?

"Primidone.." I say as I look at the prescription. "I never heard of it."

"I want you to take this every morning," he tells me. "This should help with the hand jittering.

"Are there any side-effects..?" I asked. Hey, they always tell you to ask about the side effects on tv, right..? So long as there's no painful diarrea and rectal vomiting or my eyeballs exploding or disappearance of my nads, I should be okay, right?

"You might feel a little groggy, but other than that, nothing." he tells me.

So, I got the pills and, the next day, I woke up and took the pill that will let me draw again. And in a fucking hour I felt like this:

And not just for an hour... oh, nooooOOOooo... I felt like this the entire day and through the night. There was a storm hitting Puerto Rico last night with lots of thunder and, at one point, I heard an airplane coming in for a landing and, well, you can only imagine what images were going through my head being that high.

And when I say I was high... I mean... I was FUCKING. HIGH.

This was the worst drug I've ever taken in my life. And I've had bad acid while hiking up that trail on Browns Valley Road. I've had mushrooms with a guy who couldn't shut the hell up. And I've smoked some truly, truly bad weed.

Primidone makes all those others its bitch.

I don't remember one minute of yesterday, save for me standing naked in the bathroom holding the bottle in my hand, pointing at it and muttering "NOOOO PRIMIDONE... BADDD PRIMIDONE..."

I gave my wife the bottle and said "never again." Did it help my hand..? How he fuck do I know, I was HIGH. I DID find a page that I inked last night and, though the inking looked a little better, I was insanely stoned when I did it. How am I supposed to do a 24-page book like that?? I'll choose marijuana over Primidone.

Marijuana at least makes the high a fun time. Some giggling, some artwork, eight chocolate shakes and a pizza with a side order of chinese food and the day is done! Primidone kicks the door in with Hydra agents and clobbers you on the head and knocks you out until you wake up on the side of the street tied to a lamppost in your underwear. No fun.

I DID, however, have a dream that Giada de Laurentiis came onto me during a Food Network shoot.

I'm as amazed as you are... but I can truly say that she was determined. Maybe it's the way I pronounce "mazzarella." Awwwww Giada... I always knew you were a saucy wench.

So, around noon, when the fog lifted and it was time to go meet with my editor about the "Fantastic Four: Isla de la Muerta" sequel, I at last had my wits about me and came out of that freakin' fog. Then he cancelled. DAMNED YOU ALEJANDRO AND YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE!!!!!!

To say that I'm touched by all the nice words of encouragement is an understatement. Gail Simone never wrote, but hey, what can you expect from someone who hates kittens? Really? You didn't know that?

Really, I've been so moved by the emails and Facebook notes (and for the record, I never use the FunWall, so please stop) that I can never properly put it into words. I may have a tiny readership, but damned if it ain't a loyal one. You guys are Amazing, Spectacular, Sensational and... ummmm... TEAM-UP!!!

Naw, really people... you're the greatest. I'm just going to be patient on this. Humor has always got me through a lot of things, it'll get me through this.

And, fortunately, the FF script is going to fucking rock.


Athena359 said...

Hi Tom,
So glad to hear that you're doing a bit better. Sending you more good karma via the interweb. Wishing you all the best and keep up your amazing work.

Maxarathiel Les'Shyerar said...

Hey Tom!
Glad to hear you're doing better!

BTW, Giada IS hot!

Have a good one!

ed said...

You stay the hell away from my Giada you horrible horrible home-wrecker!

I called dibs on her years ago!


sauteing my
love for TV
chefs everywhere

the4thpip said...

Hope you continue to get better, Tom?
Any good accupuncturists in your area?

My brother is a huge skeptic, but it really helped with his backache that's been troubling him for most of his life.